Looping Thoughts
For years, I have struggled with looping thoughts. It is an alternate reality I am mentally stuck in. The loops are never positive either. It is replaying a bad situation over and over, but what is interesting are the stages as it goes in.
The moment is horrible, so my adrenaline kicks in. I think of nothing specific, but I feel the numbness; I would describe it as a protection.
Whenever I am “free” or “out” of the situation physically, my adrenaline drops, and, sadly, my brain starts to replay. The loop starts.
The replay is vivid, with certain parts, sentences, actions, or interactions that stand out and scream. The loop is in full swing.
Over time, the fluff in between the horrid moments goes away. The loop is now shorter and, therefore, runs in cycles much faster. There are feelings of guilt, regret, embarrassment, and shame. A more intense loop I seem to be stuck in.
Over time, the loop finally stops when life can be busy and fast again. Sometimes it lasts for days; other times, a few weeks.
One thing I have noticed about looping thoughts is that they happen more often when my heart is not aligned with God. Not in the sense that God’s reward is taking away the loops, but if I am reliving negative moments over and over… It does not fix anything. It makes every day honestly miserable. The main thing is no longer the main thing.
I had to remind myself that when God is on the throne of my life, that is what rules/influeces my thoughts, actions, and behaviors. My mind is confident in what is right and true. When God is not on the throne, I tend to notice that earthly importance takes over.
Instead of living in reflection and looking towards the future, I say stuck in the past, I know for a fact that guilt and shame are not the way the Lord wants us to live. I don’t think it is a coincidence that the more my heart is aligned with his Word, the less I experience those feelings and the brighter the days ahead are.
The cover of this is a photo of Tristan because of the way she represents and lives a life as we are meant to live. I cannot thank her enough for being such an example and encourager.
